You are not alone… Research from Harvard Business Review says that 80% of people avoid at least one workplace conversation. At a recent conference where I delivered a keynote, I tested this theory by asking the group to vote on the topic that was most on their mind right now…. You guessed it 76% of the audience said it was navigating a difficult conversation they know they need to have.
There was a conversation recently that I kept putting off. I knew I needed to have it. The person I needed to speak to had a tendency to get defensive, so I kept postponing. This person is a freelancer that our client has hired to work on a project. It is that strange dynamic where they are not someone I lead but the success of the project depends on them collaborating and communicating well with my team.
One of my team had flagged that this person had been really short and quite obstructive on a recent project call, some follow-up emails had been snippy, and it was causing friction in the team. Why did I not have the conversation straight away? Honestly, because I am human, I was tired and overwhelmed with my own to do list. It was a Friday afternoon, and I thought, I can leave it until next week – that classic kick it into the grass and deal with it another day. When I had given feedback to this person before it became clear they were not operating in a feedback culture and so it felt awkward and difficult for them to hear.
When I finally took a deep breath and had that conversation, it wasn’t half as bad as I’d built it up to be. In fact, it felt like a relief! The story I’d told myself—that it would be difficult and their reaction would be ‘bad’—was just that, a story. The truth was the conversation was a chance for both of us to learn.
What I realised is how much energy I’d wasted overthinking. The impact on productivity, project success, and opportunities for growth.
You’ve been putting off that conversation, fearing the worst, overthinking every word, and feeling anxious about how the other person might react. Do this instead.
- Put yourself in their shoes: Empathy and compassion is a powerful tool. Remember, everyone reacts to situations based on their own beliefs, and the resources available to them at that moment in time.
- Listen actively: Reflect back to the other person what you have heard to confirm understanding. Nothing feels better than being listened to.
- Try to respond not react to the other person: Instead, observe and witness their behaviour without reacting. People tend to be more defensive when they feel misunderstood or not listened to.
- If you feel yourself getting frustrated or nervous, ground yourself: Take a couple of deep breaths, short pauses can bring you back to the present moment.
Here’s the truth…
It’s never as bad as you think it is going to be. And once you’ve started the conversation, you won’t regret having it.
I hope you’ve found this topic useful. I’d love to hear your results once you’ve tackled that difficult conversation. Feel free to DM me on socials @mjreaney on Instagram or on LinkedIn.
